just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My penis needs a shock collar
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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