I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
