We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
