Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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