If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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