I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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