How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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