There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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