We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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