Only a mothe r could love this liver
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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