This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
