drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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