Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
