I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
