Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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