You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
