all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
