i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
