thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
