He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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