recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
