think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
