I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
