Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
