I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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