We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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