Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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