I puked a lego.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
