The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
