So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
