Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
