I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't notice because vodka
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
