i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in