My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.