____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap