Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Some perfection is debatable.

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  (720): Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday. (303): Some perfection is debatable. http://tfl.nu/oliz
  Replies (32) Good night (4192) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

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  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (13557) Bad night (1407)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.

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  (503): my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed. http://tfl.nu/r7o8
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (5626)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (1312) Bad night (6746)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

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  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5990) Bad night (1490)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.

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  (314): Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos? (217): I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd. http://tfl.nu/vu96
  Replies (14) Good night (3797) Bad night (1683)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.

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  (302): I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket. http://tfl.nu/5q0l
  Replies (10) Good night (3321) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...

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  (765): We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often... http://tfl.nu/m3tb
  Replies (4) Good night (2052) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that

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  (518): Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that http://tfl.nu/9wbc
  Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.

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  (850): You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets. http://tfl.nu/bxsc
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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  (831): I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible. http://tfl.nu/g067
  Replies (5) Good night (928) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.

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  (505): Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds. http://tfl.nu/oq4c
  Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?

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  (913): Do you have any need for a scary clown mask? http://tfl.nu/9rfd
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

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  (386): I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/eehc
  Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold

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  (701): And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold http://tfl.nu/d5yp
  Replies (8) Good night (1200) Bad night (326)

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