I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick