I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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