A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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