My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
