I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
