Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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