I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
