Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
