Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
