wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
