You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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