i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
