Soap is not a condiment
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
