Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
