This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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