They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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