Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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