He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
