i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
