Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
