i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
