can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
