He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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