a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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