fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
