I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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