i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
